March 08, 2005

The Office Floor Exercise

There is a very long and narrow hallway in my office that leads to nowhere in particular. It is all solid walls, lit up by small pot lights at regular intervals in the ceiling. Just a simple hallway in a standard office building in downtown Toronto.

Every time I walk past that hallway I have to fight the urge to run down it full stride and then break into back flips for the length of it. Not being able to do a single back flip, let alone a series of continuous ones helps to cull the desire.

Posted by jeremiahnewbie at 09:06 AM | Comments (7)

February 15, 2005

A crappy joke

When Bob died he found himself in hell. Upon arriving he was greeted by the devil. "Hello Bob, I'm Satan and the bad news is you are in hell. The good news is that you get to be the first cursed soul to try out my brand new program here. Instead of me deciding how you'll spend the rest of eternety, you can choose your own fate."

Bob thought that was a pretty reasonable deal considering the circumstances. He followed the devil to a short hallway with three evil looking doors. Behind the first one was a giant vat of boiling oil. On rusty chains and wicked looking spikes, the dammed were strung up and then dipped repeatedly into the scolding liquid below. Bob decided to pass on this door and look at the next one.

Behind the second door was a large cage of barbed wire and solid flame. Inside the cursed souls were being chased and devoured by monsters and demonds, the likes you've only seen in the shadows of your nightmares. As soon as these poor people were eaten up, the beasts would spit them back out whole to face the same fate seconds later. Again Bob decided against this fate and opened the final door in the hallway.

The third door opened up over a field of crap. Feces of all kinds as far as the eye could see. Strangely enough, Bob could see that the people here were standing about waist high in the stuff, naked but drinking coffee. So he though to himself: "If I'm going to spend the rest of eternity in hell, drinking coffee while standing in a pile of crap isn't so bad." He turned to the devil, nodded his head and begain to strip off all his clothes.

Just as Bob jumped through the door he could hear the Devil call out "Alright! Break time is over! Everyone back on your knees!"

Posted by jeremiahnewbie at 10:37 PM | Comments (0)

December 01, 2004

G turns to D

Tibbar, Tibbar! The bain of my existence right now is re-learning how to hold a bar chord. Okay, maybe I am getting ahead of myself. When I used to play frequently I could never hold one properly. Trying to keep up with chord changes now feels like I'm playing with an oven mitt on my left hand.

And it sounds something like that as well. Oy.

For my reference (and yours) here are some articles I should follow up on:

In related news my calluses are building up quite nicely. Yum!

Posted by jeremiahnewbie at 10:50 PM | Comments (3)

October 17, 2004

Swim out past the breakers

Pictures from my vaction in Los Angeles will be up soon. In the meantime take a look at the beautiful place known as Santa Monica Beach.

Dang ... back to the cold grey Canadian winter.

Posted by jeremiahnewbie at 11:11 PM | Comments (6)

October 06, 2004

Surf, Sun, Sand, Turkey.

What am I doing this Canadian Thanksgiving weekend?

Why I'll be partying it up in LA with a certain girl I know. Booyah!

What about you?

Posted by jeremiahnewbie at 10:11 PM | Comments (4)

September 30, 2004

Putt putt putt

When a fully grown man rides a 2 foot tall mini motorcycle, do they realize how silly the look? Hunched over a glorified powerwheels toy; zipping down the sidewalk with their knees bent up to their shoulders. Why anyone would think that look is hot simply boggles the mind.

The only people who should be riding those kind of bikes should wear white face paint, round foam red noses and go by the stage name of Bozo or Krusty.

Posted by jeremiahnewbie at 07:47 AM | Comments (3)

September 01, 2004

Hide the carrots

Rabbit rabbit y'all.

Here's to another month of good fortune and fun. It is only the first day but from the look of things, September is going to be the Month of Good Times.

How's that for a positive attitude at 7:00 AM in the morning?

Posted by jeremiahnewbie at 07:12 AM | Comments (2)

August 24, 2004

Thought dump.

Just a few thoughts that have been going through my head this past week. I've tried to make posts about each of them but I could never flesh out enough content to justify it.

Posted by jeremiahnewbie at 11:46 PM | Comments (5)

August 23, 2004

Just filler

You'll have to forgive me. I'm going through Blogger's Block right now.

And since I hate it when people post those "I don't know what to post about" posts in their blog, I better stop while I've got one foot in the frying pan.

Posted by jeremiahnewbie at 12:08 AM | Comments (0)

August 02, 2004

You are currently the highest bidder.

I love ebay.

I love ebay.

Posted by jeremiahnewbie at 02:45 PM | Comments (1)

July 23, 2004

Calling Mr. Vain

Update! - More CDs have been added to the list. Get'em while they're hot ... or not.

Inspired by Graig-bob Squarepant's purge sermon I've decided to trim down my CD collection a bit. Of course the first albums to go are the ones you don't listen to anymore. Those CD's you look at, scratch you head, wonder why the heck did buy this one? Others you've just grow out of and haven't been touched in well over 2-3 years.

I'm going to list them here in hopes that one of you kind souls would like to snatch them up from me. Each one is going for a reasonable price of $2 Canadian / $1.50 US + shipping & handling fees. No service charge if I can deliver the CD to you in person.

Leave a comment or e-mail me at jeremiahnewbie@tripledoubleyou.com (trying to hide that address from spambots is pointless) if you're interested in a CD. They're all first come first serve and if a CD hasn't been sold within 2 weeks I'm going to just dump them at the local used CD shop ... hopefully ...

Now in no particular order ...

It is a glorious testimony of my taste in music over the years. Bask in its awkward, somewhat disturbing eclectic nature.

Posted by jeremiahnewbie at 12:36 AM | Comments (3)

July 21, 2004

For better or for worse ...

In Ontario Same-Sex marriages are legal. Hooray for progress! But before you walk down that aisle you better be sure about it. I mean really sure about it.

Why? Well lets say things fall apart and the two of you want to separate. There is just one tiny little problem with that: Same-Sex divorces are still illegal. D'oh!

Posted by jeremiahnewbie at 05:49 PM | Comments (0)

July 17, 2004

I'm all in!

Burned twice in a row. That's the last time I trust the "Herbal Tea" menu at Tea Shop 168. I always thought

Herbal = Not made with Tea Leaves = no caffeine

But according to the concoction the cute waitresses served me earlier tonight, I was wrong. This man stands before you more wired then a Robot. At around 3:00 in the morning this is not a good thing.

Hmm. It's 3:00 AM, I must be lonely.

Now when I start to quote Matchbox 20 songs you know something must be wrong.

Posted by jeremiahnewbie at 02:57 AM | Comments (0)

June 20, 2004

I don a pair of zip up boots

What am I still doing up at 4:30 in the morning?

Why am I not tucked into my comfy bed, dreaming of rock stardom and a cute LA girl?

Why can't I stop listening to that song over and over and over and over again ...?!?

This is what happens when you give up caffeine 6 months ago and you decide to grab a late night iced mocha just to keep alert during the ride home.

Gididdy, gididdy, gididdy gah!

Posted by jeremiahnewbie at 04:45 AM | Comments (2)

June 02, 2004

I'm allergic to them for a reason.

Start here and don't stop till you see the whites of their feline eyes. It's funny because it's true; Cat's are evil.

Don't you watch the movies?

Posted by jeremiahnewbie at 08:24 PM | Comments (2)

June 01, 2004

It must be bunnies!

Rabbit Rabbit everyone!

Okay ... maybe not for Anyanka.

A quick thank you to my favourite american. I came home today to find not one but two new CDs waiting for me in the mailbox. For the next few days I'll be listening to "Absolution" by Muse and "You Forgot It In People" by Broken Social Scene. It is sweet ambrosia for the ears.

Here it is less then 3 weeks from her birthday and she's giving me gifts! You're the greatest Kris!

Posted by jeremiahnewbie at 10:11 PM | Comments (0)

May 22, 2004

Return of the Self-Proclaimed Rock Star!

A true conversation that took place last night between Liz, Jason and yours truly. The scene: We were walking down John Street when we Liz noticed a flyer for 25dates.com.

Liz: Hey 25dates.com!
Jeremy: I thought you wanted to try that out.
Liz: I did but Jason won't go with me. Hey do you want to go?
Jeremy: Well I sort of can't go to those kind of things anymore.
Liz: Boo!
Jeremy:... but I suppose I could go just to watch your back.
Liz: Exactly! You don't have to say yes to anybody you meet there.
Jeremy: True ... but I can only break so many hearts in one night.
Jason: Oh gawd *keels over and gags*

He knows its true.

Posted by jeremiahnewbie at 07:10 PM | Comments (3)

April 29, 2004

This one is for the birds

When a bird flies against the wind does it know what it is doing? It floats there in one spot, never moving forward but never changing direction as well.

It could be that the bird doesn't realize what is going on. To the silly little ball of feathers that branch is farther away then it was yesterday. If it keeps its course it will get there eventually, nothing strange about it.

Perhaps its a matter of determination. This winged beast claims domain over all that is in the air. No simple breeze can deter its path or keep it from going where it desires.

But I'd like to think the bird knows exactly what it is doing. She knows she's not going anywhere and she doesn't care. To this bird it is not about the destination; It is about the sensation instead.

... simple effortless flight.

Posted by jeremiahnewbie at 07:21 PM | Comments (1)

April 23, 2004

Discrimination in a Size Eleven.

When shopping for shoes always wear your best pair of dress shoes to the store. Shoe sales clerks are trained to use the quality of a customer's shoes to gage their sales potential. The fancier and more well kept your shoes are, the more friendly and courteous they will be.

Pedal profiling! Where will the injustice end?!?

Posted by jeremiahnewbie at 08:21 AM | Comments (7)

April 18, 2004

Unagi is the Shiznitz

Last night we gathered to celebrate Marmalade & Toast's 15th anniversary. While the Japanese food at Ematei was great as usual, the real story of the week is how sake does wonders for my perpetual nagging cough. I'm considering taking a warm thermos of that stuff to work just to help me get by.

We continued the Asian Invasion trend for the night and had some bubble tea at Ezone; Yes the place where you can order a fruity drink and have your haircut at the same time. The place has a lovely light show that occurs every time someone turns on one of their blenders. However between the shoddy (but cute) service and the five dollar per person minimum charge I don't think I'll be passing through their threshold anytime soon.

And that my friends is saying a lot. I am usually a sucker for cute waitress staff. Sucker with a capital "Sap".

Posted by jeremiahnewbie at 10:55 AM | Comments (3)

April 07, 2004

Ouch ouch ouch OUCH!

Woman gives herself a Caesarean

"She took three small glasses of hard liquor and, using a kitchen knife, sliced her abdomen in three attempts and delivered a male infant that breathed immediately and cried"

I accidentaly cut the tip of my finger off and I cry like a baby. Compared to this woman I'm a mushy pile of lemon jello ... no fruit salad mixed in just plain Jane jello.

Posted by jeremiahnewbie at 11:30 AM | Comments (3)

March 25, 2004

Socially Sick

There's plenty to do if you're a young urban blogger (yubby) living in Toronto.

So get out there and have some fun this weekend; one of us has to. Me? Oh I'll just sit at home and nurse this cold I seemed to have come down with ... ugh.

Posted by jeremiahnewbie at 08:23 PM | Comments (2)